The need to feel talented

alparrott said:
I did a lot of thinking on this not just in terms of my drumming/musicianship, but also my day job and a bunch of my other pursuits. As with everything, balance is key. It's a good idea to not take yourself too seriously, but not to veer into self-loathing or constant downplaying or dismissal of your talents and good qualities. It's also good to be confident in your strengths, but not okay to become arrogant or boastful beyond what your ability or accomplishments warrant.

I know for a fact that my time is something I always need to work on and pay attention to. I also know that if I really need to, I can put a click behind me and play competently to that. I know that my chops are not the best (and are also not quite what they used to be), but I am also very cognizant of my ability to play musically and for the song, and my ears are sufficiently big to improvise my way through nearly anything.

I make the occasional joke at my own expense, but I think it's grating when that becomes the only line in one's repertoire. So I use it sparingly.
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It is never ok to be arrogant even if you are a very accomplished player. Take Yngwie Malmsteen as an example, he can outplay a lot of people, and inspired a lot of people, but he is hard to work with because he is so arrogant which detracts from any of those accomplishments. I rather work with a less accomplished player but who is great to get along with than with someone like Yngwie.
 
doggyd69b said:
It is never ok to be arrogant even if you are a very accomplished player. Take Yngwie Malmsteen as an example, he can outplay a lot of people, and inspired a lot of people, but he is hard to work with because he is so arrogant which detracts from any of those accomplishments. I rather work with a less accomplished player but who is great to get along with than with someone like Yngwie.
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The few times I had the opportunity to play with beginner-level musicians, it was actually a lot of fun. Little things we take for granted are magical to them. It's similar to watching little kids open presents on Christmas morning.
 
A J said:
The few times I had the opportunity to play with beginner-level musicians, it was actually a lot of fun. Little things we take for granted are magical to them. It's similar to watching little kids open presents on Christmas morning.
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I still remember like it was yesterday the first time I played with a band, it was really rewarding to hear all of us making actual music. I know we all start somewhere so if I got to play with less experienced musicians than me, I would try to make them feel at ease so that they can have fun and by that maybe be motivated to continue. There is nothing worse than someone belittling others for not being "as good has him". Being nice takes you a lot further than chops could.
 
My confidence and self-worth used to be really wrapped up in my sense of accomplishment. I used to feel like a failure about a lot of things, and a lot of guilt that I lacked the dedication or skill of all my peers who passed me by in various avenues. Both in music and in my other passions I've always had too many fingers in too many pies, so that I never quite got any of them off the ground, and now I never will. Even worse was seeing how many good friends fell out of contact as they progressed, because successful people need to surround themselves with other successful people to remain successful.

I still get into that rut from time to time, but for the most part I feel like I'm getting better at thinking about it differently. Music is still my primary career, but music is no longer who I am, it's just what I do and something I love. FIJAGDH and all that. These days I spend a lot more of my time trying to care more about what sort of musician I can be for other people, not what sort of musician I wish I could be for myself.
 
Thankfully I had any ego I had knocked out of me during my studies, staying humble has taken me a long way but I'll always strive to be better than the day before. At the same time don't be afraid to fail.

If I ever doubt myself, I look back at what I've done and am still doing and think "you're doing OK kid".
RVC said:
I used to worry about all this stuff and get caught up in the endless wiener-measuring contest that the drumming community seems to have.
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I was the same. In the cold light of day willy waving on a drum kit rarely gets you a gig, all it gets you is views, clicks and likes aka digital exposure.

I leave those guys to it. I'll be the bloke nobody notices at the back sat in the pocket all night and the good hang during the show.
 
doggyd69b said:
I still remember like it was yesterday the first time I played with a band, it was really rewarding to hear all of us making actual music. I know we all start somewhere so if I got to play with less experienced musicians than me, I would try to make them feel at ease so that they can have fun and by that maybe be motivated to continue. There is nothing worse than someone belittling others for not being "as good has him". Being nice takes you a lot further than chops could.
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Same here. There's no greater experience than playing with a live band for the first time. You can actually feel how the drums are pulled into the song and become one with it.

I don't ever remember leaving a band because the musicians "weren't good enough". Instead; it's always some sort of issue with members' behavior.
 
Attractiveness in drumming and in general seem, to me, to come from who we are. Pretty features are only accoutrements. Bonuses if the person is likable, but nothing to build a relationship on.
YMMV?
I’ve always been overconfident, but I can tell you it is no more help than self doubt. I try to value the actual interaction I have with people rather than what I think might be possible. Hope that helps a little.
As far as others’ assessment of me, it is what it is and, for me, that’s workable
 
doggyd69b said:
I still remember like it was yesterday the first time I played with a band, it was really rewarding to hear all of us making actual music. I know we all start somewhere so if I got to play with less experienced musicians than me, I would try to make them feel at ease so that they can have fun and by that maybe be motivated to continue. There is nothing worse than someone belittling others for not being "as good has him". Being nice takes you a lot further than chops could.
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same!! I got to play with my freinds, dad's band. This was in 1979 - I was 10 -, and they were an original band who sounded much like Styx and Kansas. Because of that, they knew a lot of Styx and Kansas songs, so I got to play with them on Renegade, Blue Collar Man, CArry On My Wayward Son and Point of Know Return. He had a big Ludwig concert tom kit...like 9 toms, 2 bass drums, tons of cymbals. My first official gig ever was with them at our annual summer block party.

I didn't nail every fill, but I definitely was able to get through the songs pretty comfortably. The guys in the band were super cool, and patient, and honest. They treated me like I was "in the band", giving me positive feedback, and also "correction" when I needed it. I think that is one of the reasons why I can take criticism pretty well, and where I learned that mistakes were unacceptable in music performances.

My current metal band was the first band I ever played in where I was the better musician, and where I had to work on making them feel at ease in their progress. They brought me in on purpose to help with polishing the rough edges. We ended up being to gether for over 20 years!
 
A J said:
I don't ever remember leaving a band because the musicians "weren't good enough". Instead; it's always some sort of issue with members' behavior.
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same...I usually looked to join bands where I was the least educated, so I could learn from them. My jazz/country band is this exact situation.

and have definitely left bands when non musical shenanigans arose. I have no time for drama....
 
Others' opinion of my abilities cannot become of primary concern but there are a few whose assessment I pay attention to and value .For example I sat in to audition for a busy country band once . The singer kinda recognized my name and said " Oh, you're that fusion drummer " . Needless to say , I didn't score the gig . It caused me to re evaluate where my talent lay and what attitudes I had to try and change .

Recognition of my peers is rewarding but the prestige of being regarded " real good " by a wider audience can be a slippery slope . There'll always be somebody better than me and I'll always be better than somebody else . Talent may not be distributed equally and that's just the way it is , best to look in the mirror and be satisfied with what I have .
 
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ravenson said:
There'll always be somebody better than me and I'll always be better than somebody else .
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FACTS!!!

Total Zen and Balance!!
 
I definitely find some strength in my ability to play well. And when I don’t, I can’t help but get down on myself. That usually spurs me to start woodshedding which typically puts me back on a positive track. But I am extremely cognizant of my limitations. And they are many. Age. I’m 62. It’s most noticeable when rehearsals go beyond 3 hours. Approaching 4 hours and my arms start to feel it. But there is an answer to that. Get back to working out, specifically push ups. I also have some issues with the thumb on my left hand. But I may have discovered the solution to that as well. It seems the more I practice and build up the muscles in my hand and thumb, the less pain I feel. I should also see an orthopedist. All that said, I always feel great when a rehearsal or gig goes well. Even more so when I receive positive reinforcement.
 
at one point, how i thought i played affected how i felt about myself. Although many years later, altho high standards are still in place, im much less critical of myself as a person and a drummer. On nights where my heart isnt there or i dont allow myself to play to my full potential, i take note and except it. Im grateful to play another day
 
I don't compare myself to other musicians I only compare my accomplishments to myself. Every once in a while I learn something new by accident and have no idea how it happened. I only drum for my own enjoyment and happy to drum with other drummers.

I've learned to be content with how I play and even though I can't do a specific beat or know all the drum lingo that other drummers do or know I feel I'm never in competition... we all have a gift and when I'm drumming with somebody at the same time I feel that we compliment each other!

Only in the beginning when I first started drumming I felt frustrated that I couldn't do basic Beats and my timing was off but the more I practiced it all fell in place I don't worry about that anymore. And if I do mess up so be it! I'm having a good time all by myself!
 
Drumdame said:
Only in the beginning when I first started drumming I felt frustrated that I couldn't do basic Beats and my timing was off but the more I practiced it all fell in place I don't worry about that anymore. And if I do mess up so be it! I'm having a good time all by myself!
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Regardless of what point we are all at in our drumming journey, "fun" should be the main point.
 
The need to feel talented is not a bad thing unless you take it so seriously that it makes you depressed and suicidal. For example, I thought being as talented as Keith Emerson was a great thing right up until he shot himself because of depression over his skills being diminished by arthritis. Challenging yourself to do better is a good thing, but I would rather Keith was still with us, even if he couldn’t play like he could at 20.
 
Maybe because I'm getting older but I'm realizing my interest is focusing mainly on being able to play songs I like / I play with my band.
I still like to improve but technique / chops / being talented 'an sich' is not what I'm interested in (anymore).
 
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