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Dealing with drunks and odd people at gigs

Suburbankidz

Suburbankidz

Well-known Member
I've just started gigging with a band in the last six months and need some advice from more experienced drummers on how to deal with drunks and odd people that come up to talk to you during the break or at the end of the night. Most people are fine, but I've had to deal with a few people that were drunk and wanted to sit in and play my kit, (I gave them strong eye contact and a very firm No!) or one person who had a screw loose mentally and talked endlessly and the conversation got stranger and stranger. I finally said I was trying to load out, and they followed me out into the street while I was loading my gear. Very creepy. My band mates helped with the load out and eventually this odd person, who was now being ignored, went away.

Any tips on handling or stopping something that seems to be escalating into a weird zone of conversation or behavior?

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MOD EDIT: Before replying, please read that last sentence again. "Any tips on handling or stopping something that seems to be escalating into a weird zone of conversation or behavior?" Please don't post stories of the wildest, weirdest encounters you've had with overenthusiastic members of the public. This is a conversation about advice. Also, please don't discuss violent situations or solutions. People sometimes act inappropriately. What advice do you have to avoid or deal with such situations as a gigging musician?
 
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people ask to sit in, which in a million years i would never do or understand, we tell them we have a band policy sorry you cant sit in. Drunks are tough, sometimes they try to talk to a memeber between songs, we let it gor for a short time because they may be making a request or something but just make sure the rest of the band has an agreement to sort of get your, or whatever memeber is being bothered, attention to start the next song, you dont even have to end the conversation and it looks like the band started not you so you dont appear rude. they usually get the hint and stagger off at that time.
 
You're right about drunks being difficult. Your suggestion on a band agreement to watch out for each other and starting up the next song is a good one. My band members saw what was going on and came to help with the load out
 
It's rare but it has happened where the drunk drifter heads towards the stage and like a psychic you KNOW what's coming. Generally it's another band member that firmly says no sit ins. It's also happened rare as it is that the guy sits in and is a complete disaster like we all knew it would be.
 
I could write a long article about dealing with drunks and weird people at gigs. Here's just one example.

I was doing a few fill-in gigs with a band in PA called The Real Deal, a blues/rock trio. To put it mildly, they were not the "real deal" at all. The guitarist was an oddball who left out entire sections of songs at will, and the bass player was a damaged ex-NYC cop who had to take multiple meds every day to retain his sanity, according to him. He seemed like he could go off at any minute.

I got to one of the gigs first and started setting up. Some guy at the bar came over to talk to me. At first it was OK, but he wouldn't go away. I kept giving him short answers to his endless questions, hoping he'd return to the bar and his girlfriend, but he just stood there practically on top of me. Finally, I said that I had to concentrate on setting up the drums and I'd talk to him later, so he left.

Five minutes later, he was back again, asking me more questions and asking me to drink with him. I don't drink on gigs generally, and politely told him that. His response was, "Are you a reformed alcoholic?" I had to explain to this guy that I was filling in with this band and had to be sharp to play the music right. He didn't seem to understand, but finally walked back to the bar. I'm sure he meant well, but at the same time, what he was doing was unnerving and annoying. When I'm setting up the drums, I'm in my zone and want to be left alone. Don't bother me!
 
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Recently 2 ‘band guys’ came up between sets and starting talking and talking and talking.. then I noticed the drummer guy had this annoying habit of inching closer and closer while he blathered on.. until he was right in your face! Creepy and annoying! That was it.. ‘
I gotta go!’ Works every time
 
It's always a matter of coming up with the appropriate excuse to say no, if you're trying to be nice and not just shut them down from the get-go.
I have to be careful saying that as a band we don't do sit-in's, cuz occasionally we might, and I don't want to be a hypocrite. I usually tell them that we have our show pretty much set, and most of our songs are arrangements, not the standard recordings. And my gear is definitely set for me, and I won't have time to do any adjustments.

Or just
sorry, we're not going to do any sit-ins". ;)
 
I've related stories about sit-ins that were train wrecks or just annoying. The worst was the guy in Gilbert, PA on New Year's Eve, 2006. He wanted to sit in on drums and kept asking. Every time, we said, sorry, we don't allow sit-ins, our songs are arranged, etc. He finally went and told the guy in charge, and we had to tell him we don't allow sit-ins after he came up to us almost begging. Weird situation.
 
I was once a drunk and weird dude in my wild youth (I'm no longer a drunk or young-just a weird dude LOL). My friends would tell me of my drunken-altered state antics (which I have absolutely no memory of) where I was obnoxious (jumping up on stage), intrusive (everybody was my friend LOL), some violent interactions-from being obnoxious and intrusive flirting with fellas girls LOL, etc, etc, etc. Really out of character for the Beall boy-I generally tend to be shy and quiet. You discover a lot about yourself growing up. If you asked me in my early twenties what I was I'd say I was a shy, peace loving hippie spreading love but ask me today and I'd tell you I was a criminal.
 
If someone invades your boundaries be calm, polite but clear in saying “no”. Ask a band mate for moral support to get rid if someone is persistent…luckily I’ve never really experienced it in a bad way…failing that go to the loo, if they follow you there go full @Bozozoid !!! :ROFLMAO: (y)
dump GIF
 
Just last night, I was told someone was accosting the leader of the band I was subbing in, creepy "following-around-everywhere" stuff(it's creepier because this was a guy and the leader is a female). She was trying to be nice, but he was asking when he could sit in because he, in his words, sounds just like Elvis....AND Barry Manilow! Welp, the band plays nothing even close to that music. He reportedly said "Elvis...AND Barry! Is there anything I can't do?" "I guess STFU!", I offered. to chuckles and guffaws.

Unless it's someone familiar, sit-ins are a BAD idea, even known players who don't know your set list are a liability.

Things I've said to deflect aggressive drunks, up to and including the buddy/wingman trying to get HIS buddy up there:
1. We have a contract with the place and it can only be us playing.
2. It's not our equipment and we cannot legally have anyone else using it.
3. We have a "no sit in" band policy, sorry.
4. "No."
5. How'd you like a cymbal stand suppository? (not recommended)


Dan
 
My main band has...or I should say HAD this problem until recently.

The bass and guitar are also in another band with this woman, who apparently goes to other gigs in addition to ours, always expecting to sit in for a couple songs.

The first issue is, she is absolutely horrible. She THINKS she is a great singer. Well, our band leader, I guess being a nice guy, and perhaps trying to keep peace (?) has typically let her up to sing

He FINALLY said no at a recent high profile gig. It's one thing at a crappy gig with 2 people in the audience, but a completely different deal at the biggest blues club in the state.

Long story short, she is finally not allowed on stage. The band leader had no idea I hated her getting up. I told him it was his bandstand... So at least she isn't getting up anymore.

She is truly embarrassing to be associated with. I told him it looks bad for us because it seems like we endorse her when she comes up on our stage.
 
Fortunately, nobody ever asks to sit in with my band. Probably because it’s all original progressive music with almost nothing but odd time signatures and intricate parts. ;)

But onetime when I was alone at my lockout studio practicing, someone knocked on my door and REALLY wanted to play with me. I said no, but he kept insisting until I finally gave in. He was a “guitarist” down the hall in the same studio, and I say “guitarist” in quotes because of how bad he was. Terrible technique like he had never had a single lesson, really couldn’t play worth a crap so I ended it very quickly. Then he went on and on about how he wanted to start a band with me, that he was there every Tuesday night, yada yada. So I stopped going in on Tuesdays and never saw him again.

But he did slip something under my door with a link to some band he was involved with. I did check it out, just out of morbid curiosity. And, as expected, it was absolutely dreadful!
 
brady said:
She is truly embarrassing to be associated with. I told him it looks bad for us because it seems like we endorse her when she comes up on our stage.
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Even worse, imagine if someone pokes their head in and thinks she's a permanent member of the band! Not a good look.

A friend's band had a similar problem with an entitled individual who always showed up with an audience, demanding to sit in. He was persistent, so shockingly--these are long-gigging vets of the scene--they let him up. Bad idea. He sucked, and they could not get rid of him. Showed up at EVERY gig. He even began trying to dictate when he would sit in, and at that point, they told him to go jump in the lake.

What I can't stand is the clueless entitlement. Tell them to F off, get your own band, go through the hassle of auditions, practices, bookings, setups, teardowns, commute back-and-forth...as we all do.


Dan
 
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