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My first experience with band member's on-stage meltdown!

Skitch said:
So, playing devil's advocate, is there any posibilty to what any of he said having a kernel of truth? I've been in many bands which have the attitude"This is just they way we do things and having our wives come out and watch us play is good enough."

It's easy to jump the bandwagon of just simply bashing someone when most of us were not there. I'm not taking sides here as I know that guitar players very territorial and many of them get upset if they are not seen as the one having mystique - you know Page and Plant, Mick and Keith.

1stdrumlessonsonline.com

Triplet Cookbook for Drumset Independence

This must have book breaks down the triplet rhythm, making playing them much easier and culminates with a basic understanding of four way independence. “Mi...
1stdrumlessonsonline.com
Click to expand...
Yes what the guitarist said may all be true BUT you don’t take up these matters on stage. VERY unprofessional.
 
I agree that the guitarist’s actions on stage are unprofessional and unforgivable. Interesting that he hadn’t voiced his complaints before then. That suggests to me that he was likely reacting to something else going on in his life that he is unhappy about. But that doesn’t excuse his behavior. It’s just a possible reason. But even worse is that his approach at raising these new complaints shows a deep lack of respect. Respect for his fellow band members, the audience, the venue/management. He needed to be jettisoned. I’m no different than many others here. I’m getting up there in years, retired. Play for the fun of it. But when one of my bandmates elevates the stress to nuclear levels, either they need to go or I’ll go. Life is too short to have to deal with that stuff.
 
Sorry you had to deal with that. Band drama isn't a new thing but regardless of what the gig is paying or not paying, while playing and/or at the venue keep things professional. Yikes......

This is one of the many reasons I have no interest in joining bands after we shut down our old wedding band, I'll stick with remote recording.....at least if we have a disagreement I don't have to pack my gear up and leave lol
 
BGDurham said:
I've heard stories, read stories, seen videos on YouTube, and now I experienced having a bandmate meltdown on stage, during a live performance!

Last night we were playing outdoors at a fairly popular taproom. Weather was about 75', slight humidity, partly cloudy. Decent crowd. This lead guitarist joined us about 8 months ago. He's a good guitarist with decades of experience playing bigger gigs and doing some touring. A level or two above the rest of us in terms of technical proficiency and experience. (He's older and retired, which is probably why he now plays with us). He's also kind of a strange guy. About four months ago he got flustered because he thought our rhythm guitarist was playing a wrong chord [who was actually playing the correct chord] and the lead walked back and forth to holler at the rhythm, confusing our lead singer and knocking over the singer's tablet stand. About two months ago the lead got very cold at an outdoor gig and we had to stop mid-set to set up our portable heater for him.

Last night, in literally the first song, he didn't like something in his monitor mix so he literally unplugged all his gear and put his guitar away while the rest of us finished the song while wondering wtf he was doing. When the song ended he began yelling, "I'm out of here! I can't believe you guys! You guys suck! I drive all the way out here for $50! You [pointing at me] can't keep a beat! You always slow down! Get a metronome! You [pointing at rhythm] can't sing or play guitar! The only thing you can do is load the truck! You [pointing at lead singer and band leader] always sing flat! I can't hear my monitor! You have me outside in this heat when we could have played inside [could not]! You guys are totally unprofessional" [No insults at our bassist, a sub that has played with us a few times]. We're all mature adults so we just stayed calm while our lead singer somehow calmly talked him down and got him to actually play the rest of the gig! There were a few more bizarre but thankfully quieter comments later in the gig. At the end of the show he actually stuck around and helped pack-up and acted like nothing happened. No apologies or anything. But we definitely parted ways with him and are now looking for a sub/replacement. People in the crowd complimented us and said they thought the lead was nuts so glad they understood.

So weird!!! Felt like we were getting punked! But now I have my story.
Click to expand...
My internet diagnosis: Bipolar or borderline personality disorder.
 
doggyd69b said:
What a diva! All joking aside, maybe he is bipolar. I remember on my first ship (I was in the US Navy) back in 2004 we had a new captain, he held a captain's call which meant the entire command had to attend.
There we are, assembled on the flight deck, he started talking, and the officer that was supposed to bring his notes did something wrong, the notes might have been out (not in the correct order), he proceeded to yell at him extremely loudly about how inept he was (behavior unbecoming of a Naval Officer) (his behavior not the poor sap he was yelling at) in front of the entire command.
I would have been more forgiving if this was an isolated incident, but it happened regularly to the point that most officers avoided him when possible.
He then see me or other enlisted and was the nicest person ever and acted as if you didn't literally see him spray spit on some poor officer's face just 2 seconds ago.
I then made it a point to observe the interactions (not a hard thing since he liked wondering around our work
center), and every time that he lost it, the "offending" party was really not at fault.
I can have this educated guess because I lived with my mother who suffered from bipolar disorder.
One minute everything was fine, the next I got a slap so hard my mouth was bleeding because I said something that sounded like something my dad would say (I was 11 at the time) of course I didn't understand what just happened. This happened for about 3 years where my mom would have these episodes and eventually got diagnosed and had to take medication for that for the rest of her life. Of course the medication helped because it treated the root cause (a chemical imbalance). But man those were some shitty times.
I have seen some other people going through that and the worse thing is that they don't realize they are doing it or if they do, the illness overrides their ability to control it. Hopefully your friend doesn't have that and is just that he really is a douche, but maybe worth checking out.
He might be otherwise a wonderful person.
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I spent 8 years in the Air Force and an additional 15 as a civilian.

IME, that is EXACTLY the kind of people they typically promote to leadership.
 
opentune said:
Yes what the guitarist said may all be true BUT you don’t take up these matters on stage. VERY unprofessional.
Click to expand...
Forget on stage. I don't even think these kinds of things should be mentioned during the gig at all. Afterwards, maybe. The next day or at the next rehearsal is better. Unless it is something that can be immediately, and easily, corrected, there is no point in mentioning it during the gig. I also think you should be as specific as possible when offering criticism. The point, after all, is to help your band mate. General criticisms about someone's pitchiness, unsteady time, or their sound, don't help much. If you mention something specific, there's a better chance they will attend to it and correct it.
 
yeah, nothing like that has ever happened to me that wasn't egged on by being drunk first...have, unfortunately, had a few of those incidents. We even had a singer get into a domestic squabble with his wife mid show...and they were both drunk-ish at the time...

we did have the singer and bass player of a hardcore band I was in get into a fight with audience members at a show mid set. They caught some meatheads being inappropriate in the mosh pit, and decided to put an end to that right away. After about 5 minutes, them, and the rest of the crowd dumped those dudes in the alley, and the show went on
 
BGDurham said:
We're all mature adults so we just stayed calm while our lead singer somehow calmly talked him down and got him to actually play the rest of the gig!
Click to expand...
Kudos to you for the way you handled the situation - in a very professional manner!
You also set a fine example of how to handle any sticky life situation for the folks watching from the crowd! 🙌
 
BGDurham said:
But now I have my story.
Click to expand...
Hang on to it. You might need it in a future band.

A group of guys I played with for several years decided to try out a new female vocalist. She was pretty and had great vocal range and control. On our second gig, the FOH was adjusting mic levels and she got a spike of feedback. One of those very quick ones, but it was startling. She exploded and berated the fellow for a solid minute, in front of a restaurant audience. I knew my time with her was gonna be short. I don't do well around divas.
 
A band member once got in a snit about something midset. Threw his bass in the case and wheeled his amp off stage in the middle of a song leaving the rest of us to face the audience who were probably as embarrassed as we were. I don’t think that band lasted much longer.
 
I think mental illness challenges is plausible. Ive seen some weird stuff but your description of what has been happening makes me suspect that
 
@BGDurham do let us know how this incident pans out For your band. Will he never be called on again? Will his behavior be addressed and how he responds? Be curious to know.
 
I saw a few comments along the lines 'but what if he's right?' That doesn't matter at all - you bring that stuff in practice - never on stage. The guy sounds like a punk amateur.. who thinks very highly of himself. But stupid enough that he took a $50 gig. What was he expecting.. Carnegie Hall?
Glad you fired him..!
 
doggyd69b said:
What a diva! All joking aside, maybe he is bipolar. I remember on my first ship (I was in the US Navy) back in 2004 we had a new captain, he held a captain's call which meant the entire command had to attend.
There we are, assembled on the flight deck, he started talking, and the officer that was supposed to bring his notes did something wrong, the notes might have been out (not in the correct order), he proceeded to yell at him extremely loudly about how inept he was (behavior unbecoming of a Naval Officer) (his behavior not the poor sap he was yelling at) in front of the entire command.
I would have been more forgiving if this was an isolated incident, but it happened regularly to the point that most officers avoided him when possible.
He then see me or other enlisted and was the nicest person ever and acted as if you didn't literally see him spray spit on some poor officer's face just 2 seconds ago.
I then made it a point to observe the interactions (not a hard thing since he liked wondering around our work
center), and every time that he lost it, the "offending" party was really not at fault.
I can have this educated guess because I lived with my mother who suffered from bipolar disorder.
One minute everything was fine, the next I got a slap so hard my mouth was bleeding because I said something that sounded like something my dad would say (I was 11 at the time) of course I didn't understand what just happened. This happened for about 3 years where my mom would have these episodes and eventually got diagnosed and had to take medication for that for the rest of her life. Of course the medication helped because it treated the root cause (a chemical imbalance). But man those were some shitty times.
I have seen some other people going through that and the worse thing is that they don't realize they are doing it or if they do, the illness overrides their ability to control it. Hopefully your friend doesn't have that and is just that he really is a douche, but maybe worth checking out.
He might be otherwise a wonderful person.
Click to expand...
And being on a vessel, at sea, in the Navy made avoiding that officer really easy...jk!

Just like being on the cruise ship there are only so many places to hide from that one guy who makes life miserable for everyone...and most of those are already taken.

1stdrumlessonsonline.com

Triplet Cookbook for Drumset Independence

This must have book breaks down the triplet rhythm, making playing them much easier and culminates with a basic understanding of four way independence. “Mi...
1stdrumlessonsonline.com
 
doggyd69b said:
Regardless of truth or not, you NEVER address band issues in front of the audience EVER!
Click to expand...
I wasn't condoning any behavior.

I was merely pointing out that he may have been right about some issues.

No, blowing your stack in front of the audience isn't the right time to blow your stack. However, he may have had some valid points because, just as the drummer Zoro wrote in his book, The Commandments of R&B Drumming, a book which would be beneficial for every drummer to study, "every drummer, musician, whatever wants to hear how great, how slamming and over the top they are". I'll add that this gets addictive and that this how everyone gets a participation trophy. Continuing with Zoro's statement..."maybe what you should be hearing is how you need to go back to the woodshed and work on the execution of what you're attempting to play."

It takes introspection, real self-evaluation and being honest with oneself to be great at anything. Applause from your friends just doesn't cut it in the end. Reality will eventually find you.

1stdrumlessonsonline.com

Triplet Cookbook for Drumset Independence

This must have book breaks down the triplet rhythm, making playing them much easier and culminates with a basic understanding of four way independence. “Mi...
1stdrumlessonsonline.com
 
doggyd69b said:
The important part is did the audience had fun at the end of the gig? if yes you didn't suck, we all want to get better but we all also have other things other than band practice. I go back to the last band I rehearsed with where the band leader (the only one who didn't have a day job) constantly stopped mid song to correct someone and when we go back and listened to the tape (of the original) after I had said something like "that part is repeated 4 times then the change" and he would say "NO IT'S ONLY 3 TIMES", then when we listened to the tape and I was correct every single time, he then decided "Well, we are going to play it only 3 times and then the change". Which of course threw everyone off because we all practice like the recording (as he had previously requested AFTER literally telling me that he didn't want me to play note for note like the recording).
He did this on several songs and again he had nothing but time to practice his parts!.
I knew then that I was not going to last in that band because if he didn't decide to go with another drummer I probably would have quit.
I don't have time for someone to second guess me. (of course I am NOT going to say something if I am not 100% sure I am correct).
The second important part is that you and the other bandmates kept it cool and professional so that only he looked like a lunatic. It is specially important now because one of those outbursts can cost you future gigs there and elsewhere, bad news travels fast.
Click to expand...
Man...this just reminded me of a band I played in, in which we played James Brown's " I Feel Good" and the band leader wanted to cut out one the quarter note hits like this :

"So Good" bump, bump
"So Nice" bump

and without fail, someone would forget and play it just like it was recorded. When the guitarist, who was quite good and down to earth, suggested that we play it the way it was recorded, the band leader just went off on him.

So, if he didn't want you to play it just like the recording, does that mean you got to play it however you wanted to? Sounds like he had only one oar in the water and intended to sit next to you and wag his index finger at you when you played something that he didn't like.

The only way I can think of to end this kind of abuse is to stand up, hand him the sticks and say, "Show me how you want it to be played."

And, no you probably would not have lasted in the band and neither would the guy who followed you, or the next, or the next.

And there are band leaders who simply hate drummers....

1stdrumlessonsonline.com

Triplet Cookbook for Drumset Independence

This must have book breaks down the triplet rhythm, making playing them much easier and culminates with a basic understanding of four way independence. “Mi...
1stdrumlessonsonline.com
 
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