I don't know when the post was originally written but most modules today are perfectly capable of playing VSTs, the only limitations being things like positional sensing and hi hat/ride articulations.
Of course the higher end the module the more features is going to have and of course you have to have pads that can take advantage of those features. (for example the Roland TD27 and TD50 which can support digital pads for snare, hi hats and ride). You can still plug regular pads, but you will not have the same functionality.
Most current generation laptops with an i5 and up processor are perfectly capable of handling programs like Superior or EZ Drummer.
Clearly the more beefed up the specs the better the performance.
I don't know about how you setup your gear but for me I was using an old laptop with Steven Slate drums and an Alesis I/O and I had zero noticeable latency after a very minor adjustment in Asio, and no, I did not sacrifice going very low on samples, I just took it down from taking an unnecessary large amount to something more usable.
My present day laptop (which is going on 2 years old now) has 64 GB ram, an i7 10th gen processor, 2 Tb SSD, and more. It just so happens I finally pulled the trigger and got Superior Drummer3, it doesn't matter what kit I load, (the most sample heavy) it takes about 2 seconds to completely load it. I will setup my kit hopefully this weekend.
as for having mesh vs TCS pads.. its just a matter of preference, I tried TCS and didn't like them at all. Mesh feels perfectly fine for me.
For headphones... don't use gaming headphones or headphones that emphasize bass because those will distort with your e-kit. Use more neutral headphones (which will sound kind of flat when you compared them with bass heavy headphones but that is what you actually want UNCOLORED audio). I recommend this :
https://www.amazon.com/Alesis-DRP10...0420926&sprefix=alesis+drp+100,aps,170&sr=8-1
Of course if you use large headphones, a headphone amp might be necessary but you don't have to go and spend $1000 on a DAC, you can just get this:
https://www.amazon.com/Behringer-HA...0420629&sprefix=behringer+head,aps,147&sr=8-2
That Behringer amp can also be used to feed audio to your cameras if you are doing drum covers...
My current setup (The Roland TD-27kv2 with the digital pads plus more pads and also a TD-11 supporting extra pads):