The need to feel talented

Duck Tape

Duck Tape

Platinum Member
Many beautiful young women stare in the mirror and need constant reminders that they’re beautiful, it’s an undeniable fact as far as others are concerned, but they just can’t believe it themselves, I wonder if musicians are the same about the quality of their playing.

I read many self depreciating comments on here and think maybe at least drummers are different.

Is the bulk of your self esteem tied up in your musicianship or are you content with a sub par self assessment?

Did you reach an elite level and find happiness, or find it’s not found there?
 
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I try to be at peace with the fact that I can do lots of stuff that many musicians can’t do, and there’s many musicians who can do lots of stuff I can’t do. But it really doesn’t matter. I keep trying everyday to get better and throughly enjoy the process.
 
I have a pretty realistic assessment of my capabilities, although I'm probably more critical/aware of little things that may be less apparent to other players I work with. But ultimately, the people who keep hiring me are the real judges of my talent, and I have lengthy relationships with four bands right now at 14, 20, 44 and 45 years.

So, I'm gonna rely on their judgement. :)
 
I'm happy with my ability and my self-esteem isn't tied to drumming at all. It is based on a lifetime of modest accomplishments and overcoming trials and tribulations. I'd say it's more of a sense of confidence than self-esteem.

Personally, I need other great drummers to look up to and marvel at their talent and ability. I don't want or need to be the best at anything.
 
I know I'm good at what I do drum-wise. I also know there are much better drummers and ones not as good.
I do take comfort in being where I am with my playing but, take more pride in my sense of character, that I have learned to be a decent human.
 
Paul Blood said:
I try to be at peace with the fact that I can do lots of stuff that many musicians can’t do, and there’s many musicians who can do lots of stuff I can’t do. But it really doesn’t matter. I keep trying everyday to get better and throughly enjoy the process.
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pretty much what I was going to say, but done more eloquently!!

my self esteem is totally wrapped up in how I interact with others. My daily goal is to leave a positive wake in my passing, so that others will find positivity.

and as always, I am weird in that I don't believe in talent. I believe in achievement. Achievement through repping. I have been lucky all my life to have been in places where I can rep things that are taught to me, and then build them in. I was also lucky to have been in a place where I was exposed to music constantly, and learned to listen critically from a very young age. That conditioning also gave me a place to understand where the repping was taking me

I didn't get good because of talent. I got good because of repping.

Maybe talent is a result of repping?

and in most ways, I don't judge my success versus other people, but versus my self. Am I a better drummer than (person from this forum/in the rold)? I don't know.

Will I be inspired to develop abilities by (people on this forum/in the world)? For sure

Once I can do that thing, does it make me better than the person who I saw do it? I don't know

Am I better than I was before I could do it? <--- THAT is my personal comparison

so, was Neil Peart more talented than me? I don't know. Did he get more chances to rep? For sure!!! He DEFINITELY challenged me to be better than I was
 
Duck Tape said:
Many beautiful young women stare in the mirror and need constant reminders that they’re beautiful, it’s an undeniable fact as far as others are concerned, but they just can’t believe it themselves, I wonder if musicians are the same about the quality of their playing.

I read many self depreciating comments on here and think maybe at least drummers are different.
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Good topic. It's not just women that do that. Self-deprecation is another form of the same thing, and the defensiveness about people more skilled than them, which is also common. Whether somebody really is beautiful or a good musician or whatever isn't the point, they're conditioned to have imposter syndrome, no matter what.

There's also a thing with accomplished people that looks like self-deprecation, but they're really thinking on different terms than the audience, so they may not be happy with something an audience thought was great.


Duck Tape said:
Is the bulk of your self esteem tied up in your musicianship or are you content with a sub par self assessment?
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To the first part probably yes, and in a couple of other things that I think are my strengths.

To the second part, not about the things I care about. There are other things more important to my peers than to me, which puts me in a lower status than them, and I can live with it.

Duck Tape said:
Did you reach an elite level and find happiness, or find it’s not found there?
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It's nice to do the things well that I do well, I appreciate it now, I probably could have appreciated it more earlier in life. It would have been better for my development in a lot of areas.

People think the one way you get better is by thinking you suck, which "motivates" you-- you also get better by liking what you do and thinking you have a talent for it, so you want to do it more and make it a priority in life.
 
yeah^ to that last paragraph sentence
Duck Tape said:
I read many self depreciating comments
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I'd say that is a more recent- as far as drummers go thing..
I can't recall the discussions late 60s into early seventies- anyone- guitar keys- anyone moping around "I suck " I can't do it- they would either move on to different careers - real estate Banker lawyers what ever

people didn't whine into their iPads that much
kept it to themselves and moved (hopefully) forward (or off a cliff either way

innocence is bliss too, you just keep forging foraging ..ahead
until you wake 50 years later 😁
 
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Xstr8edgtnrdrmrX said:
pretty much what I was going to say, but done more eloquently!!

my self esteem is totally wrapped up in how I interact with others. My daily goal is to leave a positive wake in my passing, so that others will find positivity.

and as always, I am weird in that I don't believe in talent. I believe in achievement. Achievement through repping. I have been lucky all my life to have been in places where I can rep things that are taught to me, and then build them in. I was also lucky to have been in a place where I was exposed to music constantly, and learned to listen critically from a very young age. That conditioning also gave me a place to understand where the repping was taking me

I didn't get good because of talent. I got good because of repping.

Maybe talent is a result of repping?

and in most ways, I don't judge my success versus other people, but versus my self. Am I a better drummer than (person from this forum/in the rold)? I don't know.

Will I be inspired to develop abilities by (people on this forum/in the world)? For sure

Once I can do that thing, does it make me better than the person who I saw do it? I don't know

Am I better than I was before I could do it? <--- THAT is my personal comparison

so, was Neil Peart more talented than me? I don't know. Did he get more chances to rep? For sure!!! He DEFINITELY challenged me to be better than I was
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I totally agree. There’s a great book called “ Talent is Overrated “ which goes into what you’re talking about.

 
I used to worry about all this stuff and get caught up in the endless wiener-measuring contest that the drumming community seems to have. The majority of the drummers on this forum would find my actual ability level to be quite low, even with the years of private instruction I had and the zillion hours of practicing I’ve put in. There are a lot more things I can’t play than there are things that I can.

These days, I don’t care. I do my thing. Some musicians in town love it, some don’t, and I’m cool with it. I’ve developed my own curriculum to further my technique, based on practical needs and what I enjoy playing or aspire to play. That leaves huge swaths of drumming concepts off my radar. It’s a narrow-minded approach that runs afoul of the drum forum mantra of being a well-rounded drummer capable of playing any style.
 
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Duck Tape said:
Many beautiful young women stare in the mirror and need constant reminders that they’re beautiful, it’s an undeniable fact as far as others are concerned, but they just can’t believe it themselves, I wonder if musicians are the same about the quality of their playing.

I read many self depreciating comments on here and think maybe at least drummers are different.

Is the bulk of your self esteem tied up in your musicianship or are you content with a sub par self assessment?

Did you reach an elite level and find happiness, or find it’s not found there?
Click to expand...
I stopped caring what others thought about my playing a long time ago, I realized really early that it didn't matter if I was a mediocre player, a good player, or a great player, there where always going to be people who didn't like something I did because that is how people are.
Usually it was the wannabe drummer in the audience who would have a nasty comment which I learned to dismiss quickly because I saw that the gig went off smoothly and the audience had a good time, so maybe I wasn't the best drummer ever, but I was good enough for people to have a good time.
I never am too self critical, I usually tell myself that if anything, maybe i am capable of playing harder things than what I currently play (if I am able to memorize the parts which usually leads to me trying those parts out on the kit and usually ends with me being able to play them).
My self esteem is not tied to what others think about me, it is tied to how well I can accomplish things I set to do. I don't set a ceiling to my goals, I just remain grounded and understand that a lot of times I will fail and very few times I will have great success, the rest of the time is in between those two.
 
Duck Tape said:
Many beautiful young women stare in the mirror and need constant reminders that they’re beautiful, it’s an undeniable fact as far as others are concerned, but they just can’t believe it themselves, I wonder if musicians are the same about the quality of their playing.

I read many self depreciating comments on here and think maybe at least drummers are different.

Is the bulk of your self esteem tied up in your musicianship or are you content with a sub par self assessment?

Did you reach an elite level and find happiness, or find it’s not found there?
Click to expand...
Strange questions. For me; drumming is just a hobby. It's one I love but no different than camping, canoeing, target shooting, rough carpentry, gardening, and cooking on the grill. It's just another hobby.

I don't immerse myself in "self assessment" and am not concerned with reaching "elite levels". I'm just having fun.
 
Duck Tape said:
Is the bulk of your self esteem tied up in your musicianship or are you content with a sub par self assessment?
Click to expand...

I don't have a sub-par assessment anymore. I don't think I'm cocky, but I have a good idea what my strengths and weaknesses are.

Duck Tape said:
Did you reach an elite level and find happiness, or find it’s not found there?
Click to expand...

I feel like I'm good playing, but I hesitate to use the word "elite" when it comes to my playing. I feel very thankful to be able to do what I've gotten to do, and yes it makes me happy.
 
I did a lot of thinking on this not just in terms of my drumming/musicianship, but also my day job and a bunch of my other pursuits. As with everything, balance is key. It's a good idea to not take yourself too seriously, but not to veer into self-loathing or constant downplaying or dismissal of your talents and good qualities. It's also good to be confident in your strengths, but not okay to become arrogant or boastful beyond what your ability or accomplishments warrant.

I know for a fact that my time is something I always need to work on and pay attention to. I also know that if I really need to, I can put a click behind me and play competently to that. I know that my chops are not the best (and are also not quite what they used to be), but I am also very cognizant of my ability to play musically and for the song, and my ears are sufficiently big to improvise my way through nearly anything.

I make the occasional joke at my own expense, but I think it's grating when that becomes the only line in one's repertoire. So I use it sparingly.
 
RVC said:
I used to worry about all this stuff and get caught up in the endless wiener-measuring contest that the drumming community seems to have. The majority of the drummers on this forum would find my actual ability level to be quite low, even with the years of private instruction I had and the zillion hours of practicing I’ve put in. There are a lot more things I can’t play than there are things that I can.

These days, I don’t care. I do my thing. Some musicians in town love it, some don’t, and I’m cool with it. I’ve developed my own curriculum to further my technique, based on practical needs and what I enjoy playing or aspire to play. That leaves huge swaths of drumming concepts off my radar. It’s a narrow-minded approach that runs afoul of the drum forum mantra of being a well-rounded drummer capable of playing any style.
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This is pretty much my mindset. I too have huge swaths of drumming concepts that I will never touch. I used to want to absorb everything there was, but, not to be too dark, I know I have limited time left to absorb all these things. If I had started playing as a kid, that would be different, but I picked up this drumming thing in my 30s.

We get to a point where we seek out the more practical lessons to further us, not some esoteric drum noodling. A guitarist from my band years ago always said he wanted to learn technique he could use on the bandstand TONIGHT. Of course, he didn't mean that literally, but he made a good point about focused learning.

I still get the mindset every once in a while that so-and-so is so much better than me. But I often get hired for gigs where I have replaced folks I think are a lot better, have more technique, etc. Inevitably, those people try to show off in one form or another and blow the gig. I have sort of become known (in our very small circle) as someone that plays solidly, plays for the song, can take direction, and is hopefully fun to hang out with. I'm happy with that little niche, even if I can't (and won't ever) play double bass at 200 bpm or whatever. That's not my jam...
 
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